the sign

losing a pet is tough. i remember a few years back when bentley (my sister's bulldog) died, i was a wreck and told myself i never wanted to go through that again. pets are such a blessing, but the pain that comes with losing one is quite a heavy price to pay. i know that death is inevitable, but i am just not good at dealing with it. i dreaded the fact that someday i'd have to go through the same pain when it was meli's turn. i am not sure why i am writing this, because i'm still not exactly ready to talk about it. but maybe just saying the stuff out loud (or in writing) instead of trying to bury these feelings deep inside will help me deal.

so anyway, the other night when meli passed, i prayed for a sign that meli was up in heaven. i know its a controversial subject, but in my heart i truly believe that God allows such sweet souls to join Him up there. it may sound silly to you, or even a little immature, but that's what my heart tells me. so i prayed with all my heart for a sign that meli was up in heaven. i needed to know that she was up there with Him, and that she was happy again and not in pain anymore.

the day after bentley died, i was leaving work and started crying as soon as i walked out the door to go to my car. right then, a giant butterfly flew in front of me and i took it as a sign that bentley was up in heaven with my grandma, who just passed a month before. my grandma was such a lovely lady. she would always write me and my sisters letters and decorate the envelopes with stickers of flowers and butterflies. anytime i see a butterfly, i think of her. losing her was also super rough, and until now i don't think i've properly dealt with the pain. i never like to talk about these things, and instead the sad feelings come back to haunt me every now and then. but seeing the butterfly that day gave me peace that my grandma greeted bentley as soon as he got to heaven.

today while i was sitting by the jacuzzi, two baby butterflies (like the ones in this picture) came flying across the pool and tried to land directly on my leg. i shoo'd them away before realizing that they were actually butterflies. right at that moment, i knew God was finally answering my prayer. i take those two baby butterflies as a sign that meli and bentley are reunited along with all my loved ones up in heaven.

i write this with tears streaming down my face, but with a joyful heart that they are all up in heaven, free from pain. thank you, God, for blessing 12 years of my life with my sweet meli. i miss her tremendously.