i won't give up

i'm in a rut. as i've hinted at so many times on this blog, i'm having a really hard time with breastfeeding. my initial goal was to make it a full year, but after so many problems, i changed my goal to six months. my ultimate reason for wanting to breastfeed is because it's "best" and i like how reese is not supposed to be able to get sick until i stop. also along with other benefits, like the fact that it's free and "convenient", i am really determined to meet my goal. the truth is, though, that it's not going well at all. while nursing sessions are supposed to be special bonding time between the two of us, they've instead become really painful and frustrating. reese has become a terrible nurser. he's so easily distracted. the only way i can get him to focus nowadays is by pinning him down while we feed laying side by side. any other position doesn't work. still, he bites, pulls, and screams. he cries, i cry. it's bad. so it's not very "convenient" afterall, because i have an extremely difficult time feeding him if we're out somewhere. sometimes while we're feeding i wonder if he is going to be a monster when he grows up, but the majority of the time when he's NOT eating he is perfectly calm and well behaved. that leads me to believe that it's my boobs that he's frustrated with! so anyway, it's just been super hard, and even though everyone keeps trying to convince me that maybe it's time to stop, i am determined to make it work.

now you have a background idea of my mental state as of late. i've been praying about it a lot, asking God to help the two of us figure each other out. and then while i was listening to music earlier, jason mraz's "i won't give up" came on and i feel like he was singing my life. isn't it crazy how a song can sometimes perfectly reflect what you're going through? it made me cryyyyyyy!

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

ll cool j

mama said knock you out.

sick day

i felt like absolute crap this morning, so anthony called in sick to take care of his two babies. i pretty much stayed in bed 'til late afternoon, only waking up to feed the baby. this was the first time i was able to really rest since giving birth! how nice. and the two boys had lots of fun together, too. so booo mastitis, but yay sick day!

probiotics

nursing has been extremely uncomfortable lately, so i went to the doctor to confirm that i have mastitis. i have to be on antibiotics for the next ten days. i already hate taking meds, and i feel even worse that reese will be exposed to them through my milk.. but i know it's important to get rid of this infection. being on antibiotics also puts us at risk for thrush, but at least now i have an excuse to eat pinkberry! haha. rianne and i went there this evening and the guy who helped us was so weird with my stamp cards. he handed me back even more stamps than i handed him, in addition to a free yogurt! confused? so were we! and he seemed the most confused of all! haha. whatevz, we didn't complain! we were cracking up on our way to the car.

tasty hands

apparently, reese's hands taste really good. haha. they are always in his mouth.

warmgagement

we went to carla and geof's house today to for their "WarmGagementDay" party! it was a house warming + engagement + birthday celebration. we got to see their newly spiffed up place, got a sneak peak at their wedding theme, and ate lots of yummy food.

taco san pedro

as i'm sure you've noticed, i've gotten really lazy with this blog. i'm hardly in the mood to take pictures for it anymore, so they all end up being pictures of reese. i guess that's okay, 'cause he's a lot cuter than i am. this was actually the only picture i took today, and it's not even all that special! i only took it while i was texting jenn telling her that we were at taco san pedro. i'm becoming one of those moms who just shoves baby pictures in everyone's faces. haha.

laughing baby

reese is starting to laugh now!

bumbo

reese can finally sit in his bumbo without wobbling all around. he threw up 5 seconds after this picture was taken, though.

small paul

thanks for the hand-me-down, russ. haha.

couch potatoes

the pediatrician told us not to let reese watch tv 'til he's two years old. umm, too late! he barely lasted two months.

bert & ernie

russy turned 9 months old today! i miss him so much. i can't wait 'til reese & russ (aka bert & ernie) reunite.

reese's first triathlon

hurray! one of the first things anthony said when we found out i was pregnant was that he was so excited for his baby to greet him at the end of his races. today his dream came true! haha. he did his first olympic distance triathlon this morning, and reese was waiting for him at the finish line. at first i was just planning to stay home because it was so early and it seemed like such a hassle to bring the baby. he still seems so young. but it ended up all working out and i'm glad we went. anthony is still anxious for the day when he can grab reese and cross the finish line together. haha.

sylmar

we went out to sylmar this afternoon to pick up anthony's race packet for tomorrow's triathlon. we also stopped by to see the gilbertsons and the mejias on our way home.

modg blog

i was really frustrated earlier because reese was being really fussy. we think he's teething, even though everyone we tell thinks we're crazy for thinking that's possible since he's only 3 months old. overall he's a lot calmer nowadays, but he still has days where he seems to fuss nonstop. anyway, i finally got him to take a nap, and then was happy that i had some time to catch up on some blogs i read. one of the blogs i've been reading for a while, even before i was pregnant, is modgblog. i've always enjoyed reading about her journey through motherhood, even though i never really understood. i just liked reading because i think she's hilarious. anyway, after reading today's post i felt a lot better. i also read back on her old entries, and can totally see it in a different light now that i'm going through it myself. somehow it is comforting to hear your own frustrations coming out of someone else's mouth. anyway, i was already feeling good and then i looked over at my sleeping cutie. how could i possibly stay frustrated? he's totally worth it.

london and reese

the launius family stopped by earlier, which meant london and reese finally got to meet for the first time. hahaha.. i don't know why but seeing them together was so hilarious.

3 months

reese turned 3 months old today!

sweetie pie

i always tell anthony that i'm going to lose my teeth soon because i do this weird underbite thing whenever i look at reese. one of these days my teeth are going to crack and fall off! haha. his sweet smile melts my heart!

staring contest

reese and i have staring contests all day long. i always win.

pacifier biter

reese does this new thing where he bites his pacifier. it looks like he's playing it like a harmonica. he gets all intense! maybe he'll be in a blues band when he's older. haha.

sebastian's bday party

this afternoon we went to scooter's jungle for sebastian's 2nd birthday party! that place is a giant indoor playground for both kids and adults. we left the baby in carson with auntie fely (her choice) and then headed out to placentia with my parents. we had fun in the various inflatable jumpers and were happy to celebrate with the birthday boy. doesn't he look SO happy to see me?

beach

the three of us went to the beach for today's afternoon stroll. it's been SO HOT lately, so it was nice to enjoy the breeze. clearly, reese had a blast!

versaille's

we had dinner at versaille's tonight. it was tasty as usual. it was reese's first time there, and even though he was asleep the majority of the time, it felt totally different because the server who is normally super shy was actually talking to us! he was happy to see reese! haha. we are guessing he has a baby at home. it's funny how once you have a baby, you have an instant connection with other random people who also have young children. it's like we're all part of a secret club!

debut

venus was invited to a debut and asked me to be her date. chad and grace were both in the cotillion court and so we mostly went to watch their dance performances. i just threw on any random dress, but once we got to the hotel i saw all the other guests getting out of their cars and realized that i was looking way informal compared to everyone else! i should've known better since it was at the fancy shmancy grand californian at disneyland. the party ended up being super extravagant.. as fancy as a wedding! venus has the pictures on her camera, so this one that she took on her iphone is the only one i have. you can kinda see how fancy the ballroom was. wow!

wild night

reese is starting to get on a more predictable schedule. lately, he's been having a long stretch of sleep after his 7:30ish feeding 'til past midnight! it's nice to have those couple extra hours of freedom from having to worry about breastfeeding him. today i had my weekly visit to target. haha. how lame that a trip to target is exciting to me. talk about livin' la vida loca!

honey boba

we are addicted to honey boba! it's so good!

sad face

pouty reese = smiley karen. is it mean that i think this is cute?

my boys

they both snore.

reese's baptism

today reese was baptized at mary star in san pedro! i was so happy! it's so appropriate that he recently learned to clasp his hands together, 'cause he looked like a praying angel the whole time. so sweet! haha. it was all planned super last minute, but i'm glad so many people were still able to come and celebrate with us. yay reese!

eureka

we drove out to claremont this afternoon to celebrate kevin's birthday at eureka! it was a cute place. we had a lovely afternoon. (=

hair

check out reese's new 'do!

happy shoppers

look at these happy shoppers! they are getting so big!

little boy

i love staying home with this little boy. he's so huggable!